Growing up I was never close to my family.
My parents worked long hours, while my grandmother took care of me.
But being an only child, I felt alone.
It was just me and my mind, my thoughts.
My parents had dreams of me being an all star academic kid, winning scholarships and that being the way to pay my way to college.
I wasn’t a slacker, or dumb, I just never realized my full potential or wanted to live up to it. I was ok being mediocre. I always figured that I would achieve what I needed to achieve in my life, in my own due time, at my own pace.
Of course my parents nor the rest of my family was thrilled with my attitude and behavior. They tried pushing, punishing, etc etc, but nothing worked too well.
As I got older I always promised myself that when I would be “an adult” I’d find someone to be with who made me happy and support me, in a different way then my family had. Since you can’t pick your family, your stuck with them, I figured I could pick your mate.
As always I am a hopeless romantic and believe in true love, and all that other crap. As a kid I always dreamed how I would find someone who liked the same things I did. Someone who wanted to go to museums with me without me nagging or dragging them. Someone who supported even my craziest ideas, like if I said “I want to run for President” I wanted someone who would say “ok how do we get this done?” Someone who wanted to celebrate even the smallest of milestones because there still a big deal. Because honestly whats the point in life if you don’t pay attention to the small things? Life passes you by that way.
I think we all need to stop and celebrate. The world will always keep spinning but sometimes we need to take a breath and realize how much the small things matter.
Take a moment and relearn to love each other, celebrate the little things, and provide continuous love, care, and support for one another.
I can personally say I don’t think in color. When I watch tv, when I meet new people, I don’t think black, white, purple, whatever. And the good in me hopes that may others think just the same.
But unfortunately for me not everyone does. Its upsetting to know that still to this day there are people who dislike African Americans, and still practice racial slurs. I can’t even say my own family is as forgiving and that they look past it. And it’s incredibly hard to hear and deal with, especially when your in an inter-racial relationship.
For fucks sake it’s 2013 people, it’s not about the skin color, it’s about the person, their personality, what they bring to the table. Shit I can be the best person on Earth but I’d probably be judged if i was any other color but white. And that’s pathetic.
And it gets to me some days. Its so sad that these people are out there, and even my family in some cases. But there’s always a glimmer of hope.
Cheerios released a commercial on it’s YouTube channel about an inter-racial family. It was a little girl asking her mother if Cheerios really are good for the heart, and in the next scene the father wakes up with a bunch of Cheerios on his heart. The mother was white, the father was black, and the adorable little girl was mixed. Unfortunately Cheerios had to disable the commenting due to so many racist assholes still out there.
Curiosity got the best of my as I visited the Cheerios facebook wall. I started to cry from the amount of comments from people supporting the video and Cheerios for standing by their commercial. And most importantly people thanking them for acknowledging the fact that inter-racial couples exist. Its not just black or white anymore. The world is a whole mix of colors.
To all you racists pricks out there, get over yourself.
To Cheerios thank you for warming my heart!
To all those strangers pouring out your support, you are all wonderful! If only the world was filled with more people like you!
Props to you all!
It’s officially been one year since I graduated. Yet it feels like just yesterday. It was a last night we spent in my dorm room, just the two of us, sleeping on a small twin bed, sharing the space together. It was the last night before our relationship changed. The last night before it became long distance.
I still remember the tears in your eyes as you walked down the hall and I stood in my cap and gown ready to meet my parents downstairs. You almost made me start crying myself. You told me how great I looked and how proud you were. And I wiped your tears away and we kissed.
Graduation was sad. I couldn’t help but cry, and think all that I was leaving. Stony Brook had became a huge part of me those 4 years. And there I was saying goodbye. I miss Stony Brook. I miss you. I miss us. I miss college. I miss everything I had back then.
But this is now…
I buried my hamster today. She died on Thursday night. She looked so peaceful the way she had rested on the ladder, so calm. It just brought so many tears to my eyes. As corny as it could be, it was the best hamster I ever had. I loved that little hamster.
So as I buried it I just couldn’t help but get lost in thought. How simple life is, and how much we forget to value life, and the little things that are important. Especially me.
I pick at everything. I don’t know why I always have to fight about it all. Looking back everything seems so meaningless. It doesn’t even matter to me. I fucked up this time. You were right. I don’t know why I kept pushing for a conversation. I haven’t even gotten a real job or figured out my life, yet i’m striving to have this conversation…for what? What good will it get me? You were right, baby steps, one project at a time.
I tried reaching out and apologizing but I get no response.
I guess I get what I deserve, right?
Funny how day by day it all feel the same…but looking back so much has changed in a year.