Reoccurring Thoughts

fuckyeahtattoos:

this is my first tattoo. it reads, “Pursuit of Happiness” across my ribs on my left side near my heart.  I got this done on december 26th, at Cliffs tattoos by Chris. i love my tattoo, to me this means:

that you dont need anyone to make you happy, only you can search for happiness and that everyone deserves to be happy. you need to find what makes you happy and what makes you, you. and that i myself will work for happiness, because once im happy others who are happy will find me too. ive been through a lot in my life and i tried so hard to make others happy, when really all i needed to do was make myself happy first. my names allie argenio, and im on the pursuit of happiness.

I feel as though I’ve lost sight of what it is like being happy with myself, for myself, etc. In recent months, weeks, days, I feel as though I’ve become too dependent on others for my happiness.

I can’t help but wonder why it is human nature that we want to feel good, through the actions or words of others. Why do someone else’s words bring us comfort. I used to consider myself a decently strong minded individual, yet now I find myself craving simple attention from my boyfriend or others, just to hear them say i’m beautiful, or I look nice, or I completed a job well done. 

I’m not sure why suddenly now after all these years, after making it to college, holding numerous jobs and few internships, I suddenly can’t be strong anymore. I don’t understand why I need someone special to tell me I’m great, when I should simply know it myself. But I guess we all need reassurance every now and again, yet I can’t help but wonder, when did I get so weak? 

Was it love? Did the emotions make me more vulnerable? More weak? I think love makes us want to be reassured more. We want to be reminded that we are loved, that we are loved because we are beautiful, that we are loved because we are smart, that we are loved because we deserve it, that we are loved because we are that special someone in another persons eyes. 

So maybe love made me vulnerable, and in need of reassurance, but now it’s time for me to be happy for myself again. As the year ends, and a new one is set to begin soon, resolutions become to new conversational topic. I think my answer will be to be happy, for myself, because of myself. It’s time.